The Good Father
by StarTrekFanWriter
Summary: A Vulcan and his adopted Human son win a science contest and a tour of the Enterprise...and a 'throw away' assignment that should be easy turns out harder than Spock, Nyota or Jim Kirk could ever have expected. S/U pairing.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I Don't Own. I Don't Profit.**

Special Thanks to Beta Notes from the Classroom. Check out her latest Spock/Uhura story "The Betrayal"

**Note, in my universe Spock/Uhura became a couple while Spock was still a Lieutenant…and despite the beginning, this is NOT a Spock / Uhura baby fic.**

**Chapter 1 **

Somewhere, Nyota's cadet uniform was strewn across the floor, fabric intermingled with Spock's instructor uniform. The light of early afternoon slanted through cracks in the blinds. They were breathing rough breaths in time.

Nyota lay on her back, legs around Spock's waist, eyes half closed, her fingers pressed into the mattress on either side of her head by his hands. She could feel passion, love, and a delightful sense of being sated pass between the two of them where their fingers met. Their bodies were slick and slipping easily together. There was no rush and it was a beautiful thing.

She moaned, and Spock licked her neck. And then something new and strange passed through his fingers. Something akin to what he felt when he made a scientific discovery.

Stilling his hips, eyes boring into hers, he said in a hoarse voice, "Nyota, someday we will do this and make a baby."

The empathic connection between them was flooded with innocent_ wonder_...and Nyota threw back her head and laughed aloud in pure happiness. Not that she wanted a baby now, but it was just something...something you'd only say to someone you wanted to keep forever. And she wanted to be kept by Spock forever, and to keep him, and yes, yes, she did want to have his baby - in ten or fifteen years.

And suddenly there was a rush, a frenzy, Spock's hips were again pushing hard against her own and a wave of what Nyota thought of as "Vulcan love" flooded through her. Spock's teeth were on her clavicle and they both went over the edge.

A few minutes later when Nyota's breathing had returned to normal, she turned to Spock. His head was on her shoulder, one hand pressed to her own, the arm of the other draped possessively over her chest.

"Lieutenant," she teased, "should I ask if you're 'safe'?"

_Embarrassment _fired through her fingers just before he pulled his hand quickly away. Pressing his face into the pillow above her shoulder he said, "You know I am. Even if I was not, your birth control method is 99.7% effective."

Tilting her head, she dropped the subject. It wasn't immediately important...and the idea of getting pregnant at that moment actually filled her with dread.

Babies never came up during sex again.

In time she came to realize he did want children – in an abstract sort of way. But he had had an unhappy childhood, and his relationships with both his parents had been difficult for different reasons.

When Spock thought too hard on the subject of children, it absolutely terrified him.

x x x x

Lieutenant Commander Nyota Uhura sat in the conference ready room with Spock, Captain James T. Kirk, Dr. Leonard McCoy, Sulu and Scotty.

The conference table was new. The last one had been blackened by a power conduit that had fallen and singed its surface during a particularly hairy and scary moment during their five-year mission.

That mission was over. Right now Starfleet had other tasks in mind for the Enterprise.

Not everyone was pleased.

"So, let me get this straight," said Jim, "after boldly going where no one has gone before, we come back to Federation space and are rewarded for our efforts with the monumental task of entertaining some civilian science fair winners?"

"They are the winners of the Starfleet Civilian Applied Sciences Contest, to be precise," said Spock. "I imagine a tour of the Federation flagship seemed a fitting reward."

The Captain snorted.

"Beats having photon torpedoes fired at us," said McCoy.

"Says you," said Sulu.

"They're giving us a break," said Uhura, tapping her PADD. "Look, the results are just in."

Picking up a PADD, the Captain said, "And the winner is..."

"Doctor Tev'rak Khio'ri Keval, formerly of the Vulcan Science Academy and..." Spock's brow furrowed, "Jimmie Nowak."

"Oh," said Nyota, scanning the project. "They managed to create a hand-held device capable of sending subspace signals by piggy backing on the naturally occurring subspace signals generated by planets."

"For less than a millisecond," said Jim.

"It is impressive, nonetheless," said Spock, raising an eyebrow. "The potential is..."

The potential was amazing. Nyota blinked. Generating subspace signals that passed through time allowed for real-time communication between the stars - and utilized a tremendous amount of power. To go from a hand-held device to subspace required large expensive central signal stations; these were usually the first targets during attacks.

Spock had discovered naturally-occurring subspace noise generated by planets and other solar phenomena. Nyota had worked with him to decode these signals since her time in the Academy. It was a subject that fascinated them both; something they "toyed" around with in their free time. Spock was convinced there were underlying patterns in the subspace noise that indicated a response to the external environment. Nyota was convinced that there was actual language - Spock teased her for "romanticizing" the science, but it was good-natured. Her "romanticizing" had led them to important discoveries before.

Tapping her PADD a few more times she smiled, "Spock, our research is cited as reference!"

"Indeed," said Spock. "Most gratifying." Nyota felt a warmth bubbling in her abdomen - his and hers. It _was_ good to know their work was generating new ideas.

Scotty chuckled. "The lad Jimmie is only 10! Says here Dr. Keval is one of his legal guardians...but look, they've included official permission from his mum, Ms. Magda Nowak."

Grinning, Sulu said, "Gee, Mr. Spock, since the kid's project is in your line of research, I bet you'll be giving that tour. Heh."

Nyota felt Spock tense. He raised an eyebrow in irritation. His unease interacting with children was well-known around the ship. This wasn't the first time he'd taken heat for it. No one believed Nyota when she said they _would_ have children…one day.

"I knew a Magda once," said Jim. "Not the brightest crystal in the warp coil...but cute. Nowak..."

Everyone at the table ignored the comment. Barring an unfortunate "Pon Farr marriage," a human with a Vulcan, especially a Vulcan from the VSA, was unlikely to be anything less than brilliant. And the fact that Dr. Keval was the boy's legal guardian seemed to indicate the union hadn't been that sort of incident - such bondings were usually ended by the humans involved.

Nyota scrolled through the PADD. No indication of the mother's occupation was given. It looked like she wouldn't be coming on the tour either. Nyota frowned a little. It would have been nice to chat with her. Still…she focused a thought to Spock_, It will be interesting to meet a Vulcan father and his human son._

Nyota felt Spock's stomach drop. A thought flickered through the bond. Would it be like reliving his own uncomfortable relationship with his father?

She looked over at him. _Hey, they seem to be doing well –_

_Academic achievement was never an issue for me either,_ Spock responded.

"Interesting name, Magda Nowak," said McCoy. "Says Jimmy's 100% human...wonder what ethnicity..."

Nyota was about to answer; Jim beat her to it. Scowling at his PADD he said, "It's Polish."

x x x x

Nyota stood by the transporter pad as the Enterprise hovered over Altos-5 at 07:00 local time.

Spock was also there, after some protestation that Nyota could easily handle the tour alone since they'd done the relevant research together. He'd only relented when McCoy said he was behaving like "an illogical baby."

Despite his initial groaning about the assignment, Jim was there, too. He didn't look happy, though. Nyota tilted her head. Jim's forehead had a slight sheen to it, and his coloring was off. He looked ill.

"Are you alright, Captain? You appear somewhat pale," said Spock, picking up on her concern.

Raising an eyebrow Nyota said, "Spock and I can give the tour ourselves. Their project was in our line of expertise and -"

"I'm fine," said Jim in a tone that cut off any future discussion of the matter.

Shrugging, Nyota turned to a PADD she'd loaded with pictures she thought Jimmie might find interesting.

The trip to Altos-5 had been uneventful; the only real communication with Starfleet had been an order from the Admiral to "try and make the tour interesting for a ten year old." This had caused some consternation among the crew. The few parents on board were all divorced and had scarcely more experience with children than the childless members of the crew.

The Captain suggested that after the ship tour they take a brief spin around the Altos-5 solar system at maximum warp. It was actually one of the best ideas any of the crew had when it came to making the tour "interesting" for young Jimmie...McCoy was convinced a holoshow of disgusting alien diseases would also be appealing.

Spock straightened next to Nyota as the transporter pad began to flicker to life. Looking up, Nyota saw two figures emerge on the pads-one tall, stiff, and recognizably Vulcan even before transport was complete. The other was shorter, and as it shimmered into view the elongated legs and short torso reminded Nyota of nothing more than a rag doll she'd had as a child.

Oddly, the two figures were holding hands. Nyota felt rather than saw Spock tilt his head. That wasn't normal transporter protocol.

Nyota didn't have time to think about it. Dr. Keval and Jimmie were suddenly solid and in the flesh in front of her. Dr. Keval wore formal human attire. Other than that he was typically Vulcan: dark haired, black eyed, staring straight ahead. His face was severe and inscrutable.

Jimmie wore _somewhat_ formal attire. A long sleeved shirt, khaki pants, and...she looked down. Sneakers. His hair was a mop of unruly straw gold; underneath his bangs a dermakit bandage gleamed dully in the light. Nyota could see a blue bruise underneath it. The boy's eyes were a frighteningly clear blue...so blue she wondered if it made the bruise appear more colored than it actually was. The boy was looking at Dr. Keval with a look of fear or...contrition? Keval briefly looked down at where their hands were joined. Nyota noticed that Jimmie's small hand looked pinched and red. Quickly releasing the boy's hand, Keval put his hands behind his back.

Jim stepped forward. "Hello, I'm Captain James T. Kirk of the Starship Enterprise." Looking between Jimmie and Keval, he clenched his jaw and then smiled. "Welcome aboard," he said, holding out his hand.

Hopping down the stairs of the transporter, Jimmie grabbed Jim's hand without looking at it. He looked at Nyota and Spock instead. "You're Commander Spock and Lieutenant Commander Uhura! _Sa-mekh_ made me read all your papers on subspace signals after I came up with my idea...but all I sort of understood were the abstracts and the conclusions."

Spock tilted his head at the word _sa-mekh_...it was father in Vulcan, and a word of endearment.

Pulling his hand away from the Captain, Jimmie continued, "They weren't very accessible for kids."

Spock blinked. Just the sort of unpredictable comment that made him uncomfortable.

Smiling, Nyota held out her hand and said, "Obviously an oversight." Jimmie stepped forward and took her hand.

"Nah, it wasn't supposed to be for me," Jimmie said, vigorously pumping Nyota's hand while nodding at Spock and grinning. "Are we going to see your subspace signal array now?"

"Actually," said Jim, "we were going to start the tour in the med bay."

Jimmie scowled a bit.

Clearing his throat, Jim said, "Doctor McCoy has prepared a holoshow of alien diseases -"

"Cool!" shouted Jimmie, letting go of Nyota's hand, dashing to the door and stopping just centimeters in front of it. The door whooshed open and he lunged headlong into the hallway. Turning, the boy smiled and said, "I know which way it is! I memorized the whole ship!"

He looked down the hallway and took a step as though he were about to make a break for it, but Keval called out in a voice so stern it would have made a drill instructor proud. "Wait, _sa-fu!_" he said, using the Vulcan word for son.

Jimmie did not move from the spot. But he hopped madly up and down as though bouncing on an invisible string.

Jim grinned and jogged towards the child. "Don't worry, I got this."

Nyota and Spock looked at each other and blinked as they headed towards the door. The link was blank with slight shock. For a prodigy, Jimmie seemed a bit hyperactive.

Keval stepped up beside them. "Normally, he has two hours of swim practice in the morning before school. It has enabled us to keep him from being medicated for his...energy. But this morning we were unable to go. You may find him a bit..." He took a deep breath, "wired."

Spock raised an eyebrow. He was intrigued by Keval's normal remedy for Jimmie's hyperactivity, but knowing he was going to be dealing with a 'wired' ten year old did not make him feel particularly better about playing tour guide.

Nyota smiled at Keval as they stepped down the hallway. "Well, he and the Captain are well matched. Maybe they'll wear each other out."

Keval dropped his head.

x x x x

When they entered the med bay, McCoy took one look at Jimmie's bruise and whistled. "So, Sport, how did you get that shiner?"

Jimmie proudly rubbed his forehead. "I built a bicycle, with my friend, in his basement. You know, based on pictures from 20th century Earth. Then we built ramps. Mine was the highest! And I jumped the farthest! And I landed it...mostly."

Beside her Keval said, "Next time, there will be helmets."

Jimmie turned to Keval and held up his hand. Keval reached over and gave Jimmie what could only be described as a high five.

Spock blinked. _They are communicating, Nyota. In an unorthodox way..._

Laughing, Jimmie said, "_Sa-mekh_ says I'm accident prone."

Nyota noticed Jim glancing over at McCoy.

Just then a voice came over the intercom. "Captain Kirk, Lieutenant Commander Uhura, Admiral Keating wishes to speak to you. Please report to the ready room in fifteen minutes for subspace connection."

Jim scowled.

Sighing, Nyota handed her PADD to Spock. "Here are schematics I thought Jimmie would find interesting." She winked at the boy. "Although if he's already memorized the whole ship..."

Bobbing his head Jimmie said, "If it's got conduits and stuff, I want to see that. That stuff isn't on public record."

"It does have schematics and _stuff_," Nyota said with a smile in his direction. She wasn't completely hopeless when it came to ten year olds.

As Spock took the PADD, his fingers slipped briefly against her own and she felt the accompanying pleasurable feeling of electricity. It was a discreet, affectionate gesture they used in public.

"Hey! You are bonded!" shouted Jimmy. "_Sa-mekh_, their fingers touched."

The smile fell from Nyota's face. Half the time she knew McCoy and Jim didn't even notice those little touches. She felt Spock trying to keep from going green at being caught being affectionate on duty.

No use denying it. "You're very observant," she said.

"Nah," said Jimmy, "I've just got ADD and my attention flies around like a phaser in a magnetically sealed chamber." Putting both hands in the air, he pointed his fingers around the room and said, "Phew...phew...phew...phew...Some of the teachers at my school want me on drugs because my brain..."

"Jimmy," said Keval in the same stern tones he'd used in the transporter room. "It was your idea to piggy back on natural signals." He held up his hand in the high five position. Jimmie looked at it for a moment, then smacked his hand to the Vulcan's. "Yeah," the boy said looking down and seeming to settle for a moment.

Nyota smiled and reached to Spock through the bond. Awww…His sa-mekh isn't letting Jimmie talk himself down.

Spock blinked. _I believe you are right._

Nyota felt an emotion from her bond-mate that caught her off guard. _Envy._

"Bones," said Jim, "why don't you show Jimmie the new DNA scanner you use on aliens before you give the holoshow."

"Jim..." McCoy said in a low voice.

"I want to see it!" said Jimmie.

McCoy looked at the boy, and then at Keval and Spock. "Alright," he said, "follow me."

Leaving the med bay, Nyota noticed Jim scowling again. She didn't blame him. Briefings with Admiral Keating tended to be quite dull.

x x x x

The briefing with the Admiral was not only dull. It was infuriating. He insisted on hearing from Jim's and Nyota's mouths everything they'd clearly outlined in their report on the Ontarians, a new warp-going species the Enterprise had discovered during their five year mission.

Rolling his eyes, Jim said, "Did they really need for us to retell how to handle silverware when one does not have a prehensile tail?"

Uhura sighed but said nothing.

"So," said Jim. "How are our boys doing?"

"Our boys?" said Nyota.

"You know, Spock and..." he waved his hand in the air, "Jimmie."

Nyota grinned. "Oh, Spock finds Keval's methods for managing Jimmie's…exuberance…to be quite fascinating. I think he's picked up some ideas for managing you."

"Very funny," said Jim. "Where are they now?"

He could have easily have asked the computer, but Nyota didn't mind stretching out through the bond. Through Spock's eyes she saw Jimmie sitting on Keval's shoulders. They were in engineering and Keval was giving Jimmie a better view of a warp coil flow regulator.

Feeling her in his mind, Spock thought, _My father never did that for me after age seven...it would have been considered undignified._

_It does seem like a rather good use of Vulcan strength,_ thought Nyota. _And a good way to keep Jimmie securely in one place._

An image of Jimmie nearly knocking over a delicate glass micro environment in the science lab flashed through her mind. Keval had caught his hand just in time.

_Jimmie is perhaps...a difficult child. But Dr. Keval seems to handle him well, _Spock said.

_A mentor?_ said Nyota.

She felt Spock blink at the suggestion.

"Well?" said Jim.

"Engineering," said Nyota, doing her best to keep a stupid grin from her face. It was nice…a relief actually, to feel Spock not tense and uncomfortable around a child.

"We'll stop by med bay first," said Jim.

x x x x

When they got to engineering, Jimmie was still perched on Keval's shoulders. He was talking excitedly to Scotty. Did the warp coil power the photon torpedoes and life support? How long could the backup generators last?

It occurred to Nyota that the tour was really supposed to be for Jimmie and Keval, but it would be nearly impossible for Keval to get a question in edgewise. The Vulcan didn't seem to mind. As Jimmie bounced on his shoulders, Keval's expression did not vary or change.

"We're back!" said Jim.

Turning his head, Jimmie said, "Oh, hi." And then he turned back to Scotty, "Are there really only five back up generators on the ship, or are there top secret generators hidden somewhere? You know...that I'm not supposed to know about because then the Klingons would know it too and it would destroy a potential strategic advantage?"

Scotty blinked. "Well, lad..."

"If he told you that he'd have to kill you," said Jim.

"Ha!" said Jimmie smiling at the Captain.

"Hey, where's the best place to see the matter anti-matter reaction?" said Jimmie, turning back to Scotty.

"Well, lad..." said Scotty.

"It's actually from above, in the air conduit," said Jim.

Scotty, nodded, "Aye, that's true."

Jimmy's eyes got wide. "Can I see it? Can I see it?"

"Sure," said Jim with a grin. "It's kinda tight up there though, and can only hold so much weight. Maybe just you, me, and Scotty?"

"_Sa-mekh," _said Jimmy, "can I go? Can I go?"

Keval reached his arms around and put the boy on the ground in a fluid motion. Jimmie turned and bounced. "Can I?"

Keval looked at the Captain and Scotty.

"It will be educational," said Jim, eyes narrowing slightly. People thought Jim had no tact. Nyota had realized long ago that wasn't true. The brash exterior was only half real. Jim Kirk knew how to play the inclinations of all the major species of the galaxy.

Keval looked down at Jimmy. "You will behave." It was not a question.

"Oh, yeah. Thank you, _Sa-mekh, _thank you."

Holding up his hand in the invitation to the high five, Jimmie grinned.

Keval gently smacked the boy's hand.

"Come on," said Jim. "Let's go."

Jimmie spun on his heels and jogged over to where Jim and Scotty were heading to the entrance to the air conduit. As the boy approached, Jim tried to lay a hand on his shoulder. Jimmie cowered back from the hand like a small animal that was about to be struck, and then raced ahead to Scotty.

The Captain looked back at Keval. The Vulcan just watched the boy as he disappeared into the conduit.

Nyota was suddenly glad he was alone. She wanted to get to know this Vulcan who was managing a 'difficult' human child with such grace. Maybe he could teach Spock and her something. "Perhaps you would join my bond-mate and me for tea?" she asked.

Keval looked at Nyota and Spock and back to the conduit. "Yes," he said, "that would be acceptable."

x x x x

In their quarters, Spock poured tea into Keval's cup, Nyota's, and then his own. He knew Nyota's motives for inviting Keval here, and they made him nervous, but his movements were smooth and fluid.

Keval tilted his head. "This is _gahv-kur mor_ from New Vulcan," he said.

"Yes," said Spock.

"It is difficult to get on Altos-5," said the Vulcan.

Nyota was so used to being around Spock, she sometimes forgot how stern and emotionless full Vulcans could seem, at least externally. Keval's words sounded short, almost rude. They were in direct opposition to his actions, the high fives for his human _sa-fu,_ and the shoulder rides.

Sipping her tea, she said, "You seem to get along well with your adopted son."

Keval looked from Spock to her. "You are thinking about having children of your own."

Nyota tilted her head. When Vulcans decided to get to the point, they got to the point.

Well, she wasn't going to be shy. "Yes."

"And you are curious about raising a hybrid child? One who will be more human than Vulcan, in a mixed species household?" He looked at Spock.

Spock tilted his head in discomfort. "If this line of inquiry is too personal, we understand."

Keval looked at his tea. "What is necessary should not be too personal. Parenting is a learned skill, and interspecies parenting presents challenges, but opportunities as well."

He took a sip of his tea. Nyota felt a mix of curiosity and disappointment from Spock. The conversation was too personal for _him…_and yet, he did find the word 'opportunities' intriguing.

Keval looked up at them. "There are conventions and retreats now, for mixed families. As of last month there are three with hybrid children. You might be better served by talking to parents there – a sample size of one is hardly optimal."

Looking back at his tea, he said, "And my experiences with Jimmy are perhaps somewhat unique. He has faced several challenges."

"Still, we would appreciate your input," said Nyota. "It is difficult for us to get time off for such events." And convincing Spock to go to one would be quite a trick.

Sipping his tea, Keval was quiet a few moments. "Very well. Perhaps you have specific inquiries?"

Before Nyota could say anything Spock said, "How did you come upon solutions to handle the boy's unique...challenges?"

Putting his cup down, Keval said, "By reading extensively on human child psychology and then trial and error."

"He wasn't kidding about ADD, was he?" said Nyota. "His...energy...and lack of focus must be...difficult for a Vulcan." Or a half-Vulcan.

Lifting his cup again, Keval took another sip. "Most days it is manageable. Physically, usually he is more restrained. But in general, yes, his thought process is different than what one experiences with a Vulcan child - or at least it is more extreme. I do try to appreciate the variety his wandering inspirations bring to my life. He did come up for the idea for our hand-held subspace device. I merely facilitated.

"Of course, his memory is not Vulcan." Looking at Spock he said, "But mnemonic devices, and relating facts to him in multiple ways, for instance by studying a concept in a book, then incorporating it into a hands-on project, is helpful. And his curiosity is as great as a Vulcan child's."

He looked down at his cup. "And other emotions...are the same."

"He is getting good grades in school," said Nyota. It was part of Jimmy's file sent by Starfleet. "Despite his ADD."

"And he appears he integrates well with Humans," said Spock. Nyota looked at him, for the second time pleasantly surprised by his interest.

"Yes," said Keval. He tilted his head. "The ADD is not so much a handicap. I do believe it is responsible for some of his more creative thinking...He has faced other challenges I believe affect him more severely."

Nyota and Spock did not ask. Keval wasn't his biological father. There could be a great deal of trauma there.

Keval tilted his head. "The thing to remember, when dealing with any child, is that what produces the best outcomes, no matter how unorthodox, is logical. For instance, the high fives I am sure you noticed. They facilitate emotional connection that is impossible with him because we do not have the Vulcan-Vulcan parental bond. And it does not embarrass him in front of his friends."

Sipping her tea, Nyota said through the bond,_ It's Super Logical Vulcan Dad! _

"Indeed," said Spock in response to Keval and _her_.

"How long have you been his guardian?" asked Nyota.

"5 years now," said Keval.

_After the fall of Vulcan, _thought Spock. Nyota felt her stomach constrict. 'Curiosity and other emotions were the same.' Did he speak from experience with a Vulcan child? One who had been lost?

"I would have enjoyed meeting your bond-mate," said Nyota to change the subject. "It's always nice to talk to another human in a relationship with a Vulcan. Is she in the sciences too?"

Keval stared at her, cup poised in mid-air.

From over the ship's intercom the Captain's voice sounded, "Spock, Uhura, bring Doctor Keval to sick bay immediately."

Putting his cup down so fast tea splashed onto the table, Dr. Keval was at the door to their quarters before Nyota or Spock were out of their chairs.

**A/N:**

You can read more about Keval, Magda and Jimmie in "How the Mighty Have Fallen" in the Chapters Titled "The Seven Year Debt".

If you read and enjoyed, please leave a review! It's the only way Notes and I get paid.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own. I don't profit.**

Special thanks to beta Notes from the Classroom. Check out her newest, "The Betrayal" in my faves.

**Chapter 2**

The door opened to med bay. Jim and McCoy hovering over a tricorder were background shapes in Nyota's vision. Her attention was dominated by Jimmie running forward to Keval. Jimmie's long sleeved shirt was gone, and he wore only a t-shirt. His lip was split and bloody, but what caught Nyota's eyes were the deep purple welts on his upper arms. They were in the unmistakable shape of handprints.

"_Sa-mekh_, let's go home now," said Jimmie.

Kneeling quickly and putting a finger to the boy's lip, Keval asked, "What has happened?"

"Let's go home," Jimmie whined.

The Captain came up behind the boy. "He slipped in the air conduit and hit his lip." Pointing to Jimmie's arms he said, "But I want to know where these bruises came from."

"Don't tell him, _Sa-mekh_. They'll take me away again. Don't tell them," said Jimmie.

The Captain's voice was very low. "You will tell me how he got these, or your life will get much more difficult."

Patting the boy's cheek, Keval stood up, "I gave them to him. He ran into a cargo loader path." Facing the captain, he said softly, "I lost control."

It was a shocking admission from a Vulcan. Nyota almost gasped aloud. It would have been painful for him to have said it. She met Spock's eyes. He swallowed.

Jim tilted his head. His voice came out nearly a whisper-the same whisper he'd used when he provoked Spock on the bridge during their first mission. "He was over excited and you got angry and you shook him so hard you left bruises. You could have given him a concussion!"

"No!" Jimmie spun around. "No, it was my fault. _Sa-mekh_ didn't mean it!"

There were things you knew about people after being in space for five years. Things you didn't talk about, because they were your comrades, and they would lay down their lives for you. Nyota knew that Jim had a stepfather as a boy. And she knew, from little off-hand comments Jim made while drinking that the relationship had been violent...comments that were always supposed to be funny, but never were. Suddenly she saw Keval and Jimmie through the Captain's eyes...the bruise on Jimmie's forehead...Jimmie's description of himself as "accident prone," his frantic insistence that the bruises on his arms were _his_ fault.

Jim saw an abused child.

"The bruises are not your, fault, _sa-fu_," Nyota heard Keval whisper. "I over reacted."

Surely an abuser didn't say that? Surely an abuser did not _confess._

_This is too personal for Jim, _Nyota said to Spock through the bond.

Spock heard her mental conclusions and concurred. "Captain, I believe that you are emotionally compromised in this matter."

McCoy stepped forward. "I agree with Spock for once. Jim..."

Jim looked between his First Officer and CMO and then to Nyota. His eyes were storm-cloud blue.

"I agree," said Nyota.

The Captain's nostrils flared and he took a deep breath. "Fine, but even if you force me to step down I can lodge a request for investigation with the Altos-5 Department of Family Services." Pointing at Jimmie he said, "That kid has already been in foster care once for neglect."

What?

Nyota heard Jimmie take a sharp intake of breath, and then the faintest of whimpers.

"That will not be necessary," said Keval. "I will prove to you now that my lapse in control was completely accidental."

Turning to the Vulcan, Jim said, "And how will you do that?"

"I will speak to you and your First Officer in private," said Keval.

"No, _sa-mekh_, don't leave me," said Jimmie. "Do not let them take me away again."

Kneeling again, Keval touched both sides of Jimmie's face in a way that Nyota knew would establish a very strong empathic connection. "Jimmie," Keval said, "remember my promise. I will do everything in my power to see that they do not. Now stay with Ms. Uhura."

Jimmie nodded.

"Let's go into McCoy's office; it's sound proof," said the Captain.

Standing, Keval nodded. Jim motioned the direction and Keval followed his hands, Jim stepped into pace behind him, and Spock went last.

Jimmie was quiet until the doors of the office closed, and then he flew at them, banging his hands. "No, _sa-mekh_, don't go, don't go, don't go."

Nyota and McCoy ran up behind him. "It will be alright," Nyota said.

Spinning, Jimmie ran at her and pummelled his fists against her, and despite his small size it _hurt_. His face was a mask of rage. "Liars! Liars! That's what you all say! That's what you all say!"

He was only a child, but in the violence of his onslaught, Nyota's combat training took over. Grabbing a fist, she used his momentum to spin him around and pin his arm behind his back. It took a moment for her mind to register that she had to be hurting him...and could break his arm if she wasn't careful.

What was she doing?

She changed her position, pulled him tight against her body and wrapped her arms around him from behind. McCoy looked at the hypo in his hand, but Nyota shook her head. Jimmie did not struggle; instead, he just shook. "Shhh...shhhh...shhh..." Nyota said rocking his body gently. She did it as much for herself as for him. She couldn't believe her violence towards a child. And Spock was the one worried about being a parent...

"What are they saying?" Jimmie asked quietly. "You can listen in; what are they saying?"

Nyota closed her eyes and let her mind drift into Spock's.

x x x x

Spock tilted his head as the doctor's door whooshed behind his heels.

Jim was more than his Captain. After five years he considered him a friend. Nyota's epiphany put his emotional reaction in perspective; still, it would be logical to remove him from duty immediately.

...but Keval had requested his presence and he had respect for the Vulcan. He would wait and listen and see how this played out.

"In foster care for neglect," the Captain said shaking his head.

"That was before I bonded with Magda. Before I was a legal guardian," said Keval turning to the Captain. "And it was a misunderstanding -"

"You helped get him out," said Jim.

"Yes, of course," said Keval. "His mother had expended all her resources trying to do so. She was a single mother...she had no outside financial support."

Jim tilted his head; his jaw was tight. "Was that part of the deal you made with her?"

Spock turned to the Captain, suddenly knowing where Jim was going with this. It was inappropriate - and cruel. "The purpose of this meeting was to ascertain how the child received the bruises -"

The Captain did not even look at Spock. Staring at Keval he said, "You think I can't put together what happened? You used her. You took advantage of her. She's so stupid and easy to control...how could there have been any real consent? I mean, she's probably not smart enough to have even realized what was happening." Narrowing his eyes, he whispered, "You must have been deep in Plak Tau to have sunk so low."

Spock felt himself start to flush with anger. This conversation _was _cruel. "These accusations are uncalled for, Captain."

Keval stepped forward. "And you did not use her..." He tilted his head. "Captain?"

Spock felt himself stiffen in shock. Nyota was fully present in the bond at that moment. She heard the Captain's words. _Oh, shit,_ she said. Spock agreed whole-heartily with the sentiment.

The Captain's inexplicable behavior suddenly had another facet...The Captain and this Vulcan's bond-mate had once been sexual partners.

A thought drifted to him from Nyota, _And if they were sexual partners…_

Spock's mind skipped to Jim pushing McCoy to demonstrate the DNA scanner - it was useful for more than just studying aliens. It could be used, for instance, to determine heredity. McCoy had given the boy a full scan. Jim could have used his over ride codes to see the results after the meeting with Admiral Keating.

No matter, the Captain's line of questioning was dangerous for everyone.

Once in the galaxy it had been believed that Vulcans were unfeeling and emotionally incorruptible. That was before the Fall of Vulcan, before the public discovery of Pon Farr, and the persecution of Vulcans for it. Now it was known that Vulcans had feelings, and even outside of The Time they could be evoked – if one knew the right buttons. Captain James T. Kirk was pushing all the right buttons.

He was, it appeared, a former sexual partner of a bond-mate - enough to raise any Vulcan's territorial instincts. Jim was possibly the biological father of the Vulcan's adoptive child, and he was threatening the legitimacy of Keval's guardianship. Spock didn't doubt that Keval took that guardianship seriously, though he did not know if a Vulcan could love such a broken, unVulcan boy. If he did…

Spock put an arm out and grabbed Keval's wrist. He felt the other Vulcan tense and then relax.

"She didn't tell me!" Jim said, unwisely stepping in Keval's direction. "I only suspected when I saw her name on the permission documents, and only knew when McCoy scanned his DNA!"

Paternity confirmed.

Spock put a hand on the human's chest.

"She tried to contact you after..." Keval's body went stiff under Spock's hand. "...After your incident. You never responded."

"She didn't tell me there was a kid!" The Captain's voice was no longer low and controlled.

"How could she if you rebuffed all her calls?" asked Keval.

Stepping forward again, Jim said, "I can't let you hurt him." His voice was cracking. Spock slipped his body in between Jim and Keval so that he was facing the human.

"Jim," he said softly.

A breath that was almost a sigh came from Keval. "I assure you, I have never harmed him physically or emotionally on purpose, or in any lapse caused by anger."

"Jim," said Spock, trying to look his friend in the eye, "Vulcans are poor liars, I believe you should -"

Meeting Spock's eyes Jim said, "You make sucky liars but you can twist around the truth like ballerinas."

Spock was inches from the Captain's face. Jim's eyes were too wet, too red.

"Which is why I will submit to a mind meld," said Keval.

For a moment Jim stopped breathing. Spock did, too. Perhaps Keval as well.

Mind melds were...intimate. They were not something Vulcans engaged in lightly, especially not with strangers. They were emotional even when they were used simply to convey information - and Vulcans did not like to share their emotions, not with strangers, and especially not with hostiles. Keval was inviting Jim, a hostile stranger, into his mind.

Once when he was a toddler, Spock's human mother had said to the mother of a Vulcan playmate, "You would throw yourself under a hover bus for your child." The Vulcan mother had said in her usual cold steely tones, "Of course."

Keval was throwing himself under the bus.

Jim opened his mouth about to say something, and then his jaw clenched. "The stronger telepath always wins. I know that. You could make me see what you want me to see."

"Which is why I propose a meld with your First Officer," said Keval. "If he agrees."

Spock stiffened and looked down. He wanted to see Keval's emotions on this matter about as much as Keval wanted to share them. Keval would drag Spock under the bus with him.

"Please," said Keval from behind Spock. "I promised I would do anything. When he was in foster care -" He heard Keval lick his lips. "He is still dealing with the post-traumatic stress from the event. If there is an investigation, they may put him in foster care until the case is resolved."

Spock looked at Jim. He could stop this madness now, but Jim's eyes were wild.

He reached for Nyota. _Please, Spock, do it. This child...this child..._And he felt Jimmie in her arms shaking like a leaf, straining to break free from her grasp. _He's _hurt _Spock. He's broken. He wants Keval...needs Keval._

It was not what Spock wanted. And surely, if there was an investigation, Keval would merely be required to live separately from Magda and Jimmie for a while.

_Spock, _said Nyota,_ You've got to resolve this now. It's the right thing._

Dropping his head Spock said, "Very well."

He turned to Keval and stared into his black, unflinching eyes. Spock had never even melded with his father.

Keval nodded. Spock clenched his fists for a moment, then brought a hand to Keval's psi points.

More to steady himself than out of necessity he said, "_My mind to your mind."_

And then he was inside Keval's mind and it was neat, orderly, and wide open. Nothing was held back. It was, Spock realized, a deliberate strategy.

_I cannot hold back,_ Keval's voice said, _the stakes are too high._

Spock saw a little boy, a little Vulcan boy, Syvil, not through Keval's eyes, but through the eyes of Keval's Vulcan bond-mate, T'Vana. T'Vana was arching her back over the child, trying to protect their child from the falling rubble of the earthquakes of Vulcan's last hours.

Spock tried to turn away, but Keval pressed him, _No, this is important. You have to watch to understand._

T'Vana failed. Spock watched as Keval saw Syvil's small body crushed, felt the dusty gasp of his bond-mate's last breath as she too was crushed while Keval shook, helplessly, light years away.

The loss of his bond-mate was tragic. The loss of his son was...there was an emotion there, Spock had felt it before through his fingers from his mother, and even in Sarek. Love like madness – through the more intimate contact of a mind meld it was nearly unbearable in intensity. Spock pulled away from the memory and the emotion like he'd been burned.

_You have to be a parent to understand_, said Keval.

And then there was this...waitress, in a diner. Pretty. She cried when she learned Keval's family had died and turned the channel in the diner when the stories about Vulcans in Pon Farr came out over the holos...

Altos-5's habitat was inside a biodome. When The Time came, too early, Keval was prepared to throw himself out into the vacuum, prepared to join his son and wife, katras lost to nothingness. But the waitress, that waitress, Magda, found him and caught his hand as it entered the pass code for the airlock. And something...some sick animal in Keval did not want to die.

She invited him to her house for tea. She was simple. Too young. Like Jim Kirk had deduced, she did not know what she was agreeing to. And it was the worst kind of Pon Farr -

Spock skipped the scenes and Keval did not protest, just led him to the aftermath. Spock saw Keval trying to put the mess he created, the life of the woman who'd saved him, whom he had injured, back together piece by piece.

One of those pieces was her son who'd been taken away by overzealous child protection officials. A lawyer had taken nearly three months' wages from Magda, over three weeks of her time, and not gotten her son, Jimmie, back. Keval was trained as a geologist, but he applied all of his Vulcan memory and intellect to getting the child released. It took the Vulcan three days.

Keval and Magda were not suited. Keval was drawn to her because they were bonded, but there was no intellectual connection. Spock saw sorrow, a sense of inequity. Keval believed that it would be morally better to unbond even though the consequences of a broken bond would be worse for him. Magda did not get emotional or intellectual companionship from Keval...

But she asked him to stay because of her son who was bright even by Vulcan standards. She was failing the little boy. One justification the child protective agencies had used when taking him away was that he was acting out in school...

Keval stayed and took care of the boy because she asked, and he owed her...

_Seven years,_ said Keval. _I owe her_ _seven years of life._

He took on the majority of Jimmie's care with Vulcan calm and sense of scientific inquiry. Read everything on human child development, and used Vulcan empathic techniques he would have used with his own child to soothe, instill trust, and convey the emotions his face could never show.

Spock saw long nights of nightmares, violent outbursts, a child who was bright and damaged who played 3D chess, needed exorbitant amounts of exercise, had a body perpetually bruised and scraped, picked up snippets of Vulcan - even learned the word _sa-mekh_, father, on his own.

_He revealed his knowledge of the word during a chess game, I suspect to distract me,_ said Keval.

But he'd never called Keval anything else ever again. And Spock felt, not saw, that same madness, that same love Keval had felt for Syvil creep up on Keval. One day it was just...there.

It was like being reborn.

_It might be convenient to skip ahead to last night and this morning, _said Keval.

Spock saw a discussion with Magda. "Perhaps you should contact the Captain again, tell this Kirk he has a son -"

"No, he never cared about us before; he won't care now, or even know!" said Magda. And Keval didn't protest because, because...it was Magda's decision, wasn't it?

_I did not fight because I did not want to lose the boy,_ said Keval.

It was this morning. Altos-5's atmosphere was malfunctioning, Jimmie was walking, skipping, jogging ahead of Keval towards the transporter depot. He'd taken off his long sleeved shirt in the heat. Keval kept calling him back. The transporter station came into view and Jimmie lunged headlong across the path of an oncoming cargo loader -

And suddenly Jimmie was under the cargo loader, his body crushed before Keval's eyes. Spock felt complete and abject terror, loss off reason, loss of logic, loss of control - all of a Vulcan's worse fears.

But Jimmie wasn't crushed. While his mind was overwhelmed, Keval's body reached out and grabbed Jimmie by the shoulders and dragged him backwards. When his control came back to Keval, Jimmie was shaking, the cargo loader was rumbling past them, and Keval's fingers were pressing hard into the boy's arms. There was no time for a real damage check...Jimmie was so excited to get to the Enterprise...

Keval took him by the hand and led him into the transporter station. He only let go of his hand long enough to allow Jimmie to pull the long sleeved dress shirt over his head.

For the second time in his life, Spock wanted to kill the Captain. He didn't need to see this. If Jim had been reasonable...

_Being a parent, one is not completely reasonable, _said Keval. And there was that feeling of madness again that repelled Spock.

And then Spock saw something else, another emotion, one that he cherished, the one that Nyota called "Vulcan love," but had no name among Vulcans themselves, a dark, territorial, protective emotion.

_Would you give that up, Spock?_

No. Never. Once you felt it, it was essential.

_And no parent can give up the...madness._ _It is essential. It is inexplicable. If you have children, you will understand._

Spock felt something, pity. Pity from Keval for himself because he _could not_ understand, and pity for the Captain who'd lost the chance.

Spock dropped his hand from Keval's face. He felt the slight disorientation that came from going from the non-linear time of the meld to the real-time of the universe. Only seconds had passed. In Vulcan he said, _"Go now. The Captain will not be contacting any agencies on this matter."_

Keval nodded and exited the room. Spock turned to the captain. Jim was looking at the floor.

Spock didn't know how he would word his knowledge of Keval's emotional state. It would be nearly as uncomfortable as discussing his own internal emotional landscape.

Fortunately, he did not need to find the words. His bond-mate strode into the room and stood by his side.

"He loves the little boy, Captain," said Nyota. "The little boy loves him! Dr. Keval overreacted because he was _terrified _of losing the child he's been rescuing from _your_ neglect for the past five years."

Falling down heavily in a chair that was by McCoy's desk, Jim said, "I know."

He steepled his fingers and did not look at Spock or Nyota.

Nyota shook her head. "I'm sorry, but it is true." Sighing, she went towards the Captain, as though to lay a hand on his shoulder.

"I think I need a moment," said the Captain.

Nyota froze in place. Spock, took her arm and led her from the office. McCoy was standing, arms across his chest, staring at Keval and Jimmie. The Vulcan was kneeling on the floor, forehead pressed to the child's, fingers on either side of his face. "Come, Jimmie," he said. "Let us go home."

**A/N**:

Thanks for all of your reviews. If this chapter moved you would love to know.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own. I do not profit.**

Special thanks to beta Notes from the Classroom. Check out her latest, "The Betrayal" in my faves.

**Chapter 3**

Emotional transference was a side effect of mind melds. Spock tried to extricate Keval's thoughts, memories and feelings from his own, isolate them, and set them aside for later, just as he would a trauma that was his own. He wasn't completely successful. It annoyed him.

Nyota caught most of the meld through their bond. It was not as intense for her, more like she'd viewed it on a holo. Still, walking away from the transporter room after seeing Jimmie and Keval beam away, his bond-mate was fighting back tears.

Wiping a few errant streaks from her cheeks she said, "This just sucks. It sucks for Keval, for Jimmie, for Jim..."

Spock wasn't feeling particularly sympathetic towards the Captain. The Captain had forced him and Keval into a needlessly emotional situation, and now Spock was dealing with the aftermath.

"Oh, stop it, Spock," Nyota said, picking his thoughts up through the bond. The link hummed with frustration. "Jim did the exact same thing Keval did - he panicked!"

But it wasn't the same. Keval's slip was a momentary lapse of judgment.

Nyota stopped short and turned to him. "Don't you get it? What Jim must have gone through to lose it so completely?" The bond between them hummed with anger, and...terror. She could imagine so many dark things.

It was too much after the meld with Keval. As happened so often when they fought over emotional issues, his mind became still, blank and silent - just as hers flared.

"No, you can't!" she said. "I know you never got along with your parents, but you had them. Maybe Sarek wished you were a little more Vulcan, maybe your mother wished you were a little more human, but they _tried_. They didn't -" And all the dark imaginings tumbled through her mind. She couldn't say them aloud.

He watched her with detached calm. All his emotional circuits were overloaded. Now he was the one viewing a holo.

His comm chimed. Activating it with a touch, he kept his eyes on Nyota. He didn't have the energy to fix this, though he knew he should.

"Mr. Spock, this is Scotty here. We're bein' hailed by a freighter with a hull breach. They're requestin' our assistance, Sir. I need to get an engineerin' team together. I was hopin' you can cover me on the bridge."

There was only one answer. "I will be there momentarily."

He turned off his comm but did not move.

"Go," said Nyota with a wave, turning on her heel.

"Where are you going, Lieutenant Commander?" he asked, addressing her formally now that he was officially on duty.

"It would have been a research day if we hadn't had our little Altos-5 mission...I'm going to the subspace array lab. Maybe the stars have something to say to me."

Her time was precious. She should not waste it. "The stars do not talk, Ms. Uhura. We have reviewed the data extensively and know this to be true."

He had said this before many times, and she usually took it with a laugh. This time she turned around, stared at him, and resisted the urge to tell him off.

He blinked. And then he headed for the bridge.

x x x x

Four hours later he found her in the lab. He had been too busy to pay attention through the bond. He was surprised to find her still angry. This was unusual. Nyota's temper was like a storm in the Vulcan desert: violent but swift.

She acknowledged his presence with only a nod. Instead of addressing their conflict he went over to a monitor. Tilting his head at the nonsensical numbers he said, "What is this?"

"Isn't it obvious?" she asked, irritation burning through their bond.

"No," he replied.

"You're right, the stars don't talk!" she said, standing up and walking from one monitor to another. Scowling, she said, "So I thought I thought I'd try looking at something bigger, at the total subspace signal output of all the natural bodies in a solar system. I've been resetting the instruments and trying to calibrate the correct formulas for the past four hours and I keep getting this error message, 'Exceeding Available System Memory' - what is this, 2010?" Turning to him she said, "And now you're telling me I evidently am using the wrong formulas?" Her eyes were wet.

Spock tilted his head; she knew the answer to that.

Her comm chimed. She accepted the call, her eyes still on him. The acting communications officer's voice sounded in the room. "Lieutenant Commander, subspace call from Admiral Keating..."

"I'll be right there," said Nyota, looking up at the ceiling. Closing the comm link and heading to the door she said, "That damn son of an Andorian ice slug."

Spock watched her go and then looked down at the monitor. Actually, she had an interesting hypothesis.

She was back in the lab 1.5 hours later, after the meeting with Keating, and unsuccessfully trying to find Jim. She stared at him for 3.5 minutes as he finished off the last line of code.

"You fixed it, didn't you?" she asked softly.

"Yes," he said without looking up. "Although we will not be able to see results for approximately twenty-four to thirty-six hours with the system resources we are allotted."

"I'm sorry," she said, "for snapping earlier."

Spock looked up at her and tilted his head. He hadn't really thought about it.

x x x x

As always happened when he shut down emotionally, his emotions did catch up with him.

Spock awoke next to Nyota two hours after going to sleep. Which was normal. Waking in a cold sweat was not. He'd been dreaming of his mother, specifically the moment she died.

She'd turned to him as the cliff beneath their feet had begun to crumble. He was the one thing she could to cling to. He held up his arm for her, but she just stared. When she finally lifted her hand, it was not to reach for him - it was as though she was trying to still him. Her mouth opened to say some final words, the ground crumbled beneath her feet, she called his name and then she was gone.

He'd incriminated himself for years for only lifting his arm, for not forcibly reaching over and grabbing her. She was human. She was in shock. She was immobilized with fear.

But tonight the lingering tendrils of Keval's emotions gave him an understanding impossible to have before. A piece of the puzzle he hadn't known was missing fell into place.

She was not immobilized with fear. She hadn't wanted to take him with her. He knew this with the same certainty he knew copper-based blood was pumping through his veins.

Slipping out of bed, he exited the sleeping alcove and made his way to his meditation corner. Arranging himself in lotus position, he lit the incense sticks and then pressed his face into his hands.

Nyota was half right about his discomfort with his parents. His father did wish he was more Vulcan, his mother that was a little more human. What Nyota didn't understand was how terrible he'd been to both of them. He did want children, in the abstract, but part of him feared he would have offspring too much like himself.

He'd been a difficult child. His eidetic memory did not let him forget. As a small child he'd been violent. Rage would overcome him, and he would lash out at anyone and everyone.

As he grew older he enjoyed defying his father, foolishly going out to wander the desert alone. To prove what? That he could master fear? He terrified them both. And part of him knew that his father's wish that he could be more contained was not racial pride; it was fear, fear that he would kill himself in a fit of Vulcan anger not corralled by Vulcan control.

And his mother's wish that he could be more human...if he had applied himself he could have mastered those little gestures of affection that she would have liked. But he didn't. Partially, because they were unnatural to him. He did find many human niceties to be illogical, time consuming, and irritating. Still, even his father, full Vulcan that he was, would humor his mother. Spock's own frustration at being unable to control himself made him cling to the ways in which he was Vulcan. It was personal pride.

She chose not to reach for him.

He felt overwhelmed and lighter at the same time. Lifting his head, he put his hands upon his knees and closed his eyes. Meditation came slowly, but it did come.

x x x x

Nyota had to work the next morning. Spock's shift did not start until that afternoon.

At breakfast Nyota was blocking the bond as she sipped her morning cup of tea and read from a PADD. This meant either that she was looking for a gift for him - quite possible, since his birthday was coming up - or that she was doing something she thought was self indulgent and silly, like browsing for new nail polish shades. She loved looking at the colors and reading the descriptions but was too practical to buy any color that might be distracting on the bridge.

She took a breath, her mental shield dropped - unintentionally. Feeling a flicker of surprise, Spock looked up. He knew what she was reading about.

"Sorry," she said. "I didn't want to make you uncomfortable first thing in the morning. It was a rough day for you yesterday. But my curiosity was piqued and -"

Tilting his head he said, "It is quite alright. But what surprised you?"

"Well, I was reading about those Vulcan-Human hybrid babies Keval was talking about -" She looked up at him expecting him to be uncomfortable.

He lifted his eyebrows. Surprisingly, he wasn't so very disturbed.

"-and I found this reference to your father." Pushing the PADD over to him she said, "The scientists who did your hybridization died on Vulcan. And although they'd published a lot, there was a lot of their work that died with them."

Spock looked down at the PADD.

"Well, except your father read just about everything they ever scribbled on a PADD or napkin," Nyota said, "and memorized it, of course, so he transcribed everything so that scientists could aid Vulcan-Human couples now."

Spock clicked through the links that led to his father's "notes." His father actually was bonded to a Vulcan woman - although they had yet to marry. The woman was a friend of Spock's mother. Nyota liked the woman and thought their union was 'sweet.' Spock thought his father simply did not want to rock the boat. The Vulcan High Council did not want more hybrids; they wanted pure Vulcans.

But here was his father, rocking the boat. The data was still scrolling by his eyes. "Nyota, this is years of research."

"It must have taken him weeks and weeks to transcribe it all," she said.

"Yes," Spock said, somewhat in awe. This was beyond Sarek's official duties. He'd done this because...because he didn't think Spock was a mistake. He blinked at the PADD.

Putting a hand on one of Spock's knees, Nyota said, "Of course you're not!"

But there was something sad in the link. Looking up at her he noticed her brow was slightly furrowed. "Nyota, you are distressed by something," he said.

Sighing she looked down. She felt a heaviness in her chest she could not hide. "Here I am researching hybrid babies and yesterday I almost broke a little boy's arm. What am I thinking?"

Spock did not need physical affection like a human, especially not since their bonding. But in humans the need still persisted. Pushing back his chair, he took her hand and pulled her sideways onto his lap. He wrapped his arms around her and she settled with a sigh.

"But you did not break his arm," he said. "You had to subdue him, Nyota. It would not have helped him to allow him to hurt you." He saw her memory of refusing McCoy's hypo and rocking the little boy in her arms and shushing him. Human empathic contact. "Your actions were ultimately, very...compassionate."

Nyota swallowed. He stroked her back and rocked her gently in his own lap, feeling her gradually relax. "Parenting is a learned skill," Nyota said, quoting Keval.

"That is most fortunate," said Spock. Happiness flitted across the link. They were discussing parenthood without him becoming tense...his hand stopped. The fact that the topic didn't make him tense actually made him nervous.

Nyota laughed and pressed her face to the side of his head. "I'm still not ready," she said.

Nodding in agreement, Spock stroked her back again. They were having, he realized, what humans called, "a moment." They both stopped thinking for a few heartbeats; they just basked in mutual contentment. And then an errant thought slipped from the region below Spock's waist to his brain and Nyota caught it. She laughed softly again.

"You are sitting on my lap," Spock said by way of explanation.

"And after seven years I'm glad that's all it still takes," she said. Lifting an eyebrow she said, "Are you sure you're not ready to make babies, Commander?"

Pressing his forehead to hers he said, "Yes...although, I am completely amenable to practicing."

Smiling, she slapped his cheek affectionately and bit his bottom lip, hard enough to sting, which was nice, but not hard enough to leave a lasting mark - which was unfortunate. He was Vulcan in some other ways, too.

Kissing her and pulling her closer, he began to think of ways he could get his teeth on her clavicles, and then his internal alarm clock went off. Nyota heard it, of course. Groaning, she pulled back. Spock raised an eyebrow in annoyance, which made her laugh. Kissing his nose, she said, "We'll have something to look forward to later. I've got to go to work."

x x x x

As so often happened when their shifts were not in sync, later did not come exactly as expected.

When he finally got in that evening, Nyota was stretched out in their bed on top of the covers asleep. She was scowling, and her lips were moving slightly. Considering waking her, Spock gently reached out through the bond to see what she was dreaming of.

He pulled back quickly. A vision of Nyota in front of Admiral Keating with a large hammer in her hand, shouting, "You don't need a communications officer! You need a therapist!" danced in his consciousness.

His free time might be better spent in the sensory array lab.

In the lab, the results were in. Solar systems were definitely not talking to one another. Scanning through the results it occurred to him this was not going to have a positive effect on her libido.

…That was a completely inappropriate thought in the lab. Clenching his jaw in irritation, he stared harder at the data. He blinked. Patterns? There were other, unexpected signals, but what?

47 minutes and 39 seconds later, he lifted his head from the numbers. Perhaps he was emotionally compromised? He needed another Vulcan to share this with.

He turned to the subspace communicator in the lab. There were several VSA scientists who he could contact. He called his father instead.

x x x x

Sitting in lotus position on the bed, Spock stared down at his wife and bond-mate.

His father had pulled some strings to get the VSA to utilize their more powerful arrays and computers to verify Spock's results. Together they had examined the VSA's data - and found it matched Spock's own. His father agreed with Spock's interpretation of the unexpected signals - and thanked him for sharing such a fascinating finding.

Now Spock sat resisting the urge to bite Nyota's ear. He was having one of those moments of "Vulcan love."

In another life Spock had not bonded to Nyota. In that life he was renowned throughout the galaxy. Although it had not deterred him, Spock had wondered if his bonding would affect his success in this life.

At his "bachelor party chess match" one of his friends from the Academy days, Professor Toshi Matsumura, had said, "Marriage will be good for you. There is nothing like marriage, children and death to focus the mind."

Spock had stared up at the small older man. Although not an expert when it came to human social graces, he was reasonably certain that comparing marriage to death at a bachelor party was perhaps not in the best of taste.

"What he means, Spock," said their friend, Lieutenant Commander Patrick O'Hara with a laugh, "is that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger...if it doesn't turn you into a sniveling puddle of goo."

"You'll give up many things," said Toshi, "when you're married...but only what is unimportant. Being married, like death and children, will teach you what is really important."

Taking a swig of beer, Patrick said, "'Cause you won't have time anymore for the other shit."

Looking down at Nyota now, Spock understood what they meant. He spent more time in domestic negotiations than his other self ever had to, he was sure. He had less freedom to make unilateral decisions. Yet although his life was unfolding differently, he was certain he was no less fulfilled.

And he had it on good authority his life with children would be no different. He did not fear anymore that they would not be worthwhile. Whatever their faults or challenges, they would be an essential thread in the fabric of his life.

It was not time for children now...but practicing...

He stared down at Nyota. She was wearing an ivory silken top and matching shorts - both would be easy to rip away. He willed her to feel the emotion coursing through him.

Rubbing her legs together, she moaned and it was all he could do to keep from pouncing.

Her eyelashes fluttered, "Spock?"

He allowed himself to purr.

"Mmmmm...what is it?" she asked. He felt how difficult it was to form those syllables through a sleep-addled blur.

"I was just in the lab," Spock said, clenching his hands tightly on his thigh, "surveying the results from our inquiry into system subspace signals." His lips twitched up.

"What?" said Nyota, suddenly coming awake. "You're smiling." Eyes widening, sitting up quickly, she said, "They talk! They talk!"

Lips still quirked, he said, "No."

Brows furrowing together, she said, "What! You woke me up to rub that in! Wipe that smug smirk off your face! You green blooded son of a Human and a -"

She blinked. "That's not a smug smile," she whispered.

Not bothering to resist his urges any more, he pushed her forcibly back onto the mattress. Moving his lips to her ear he whispered, "The solar systems do not talk, Nyota...but the galaxies..."

**A/N:**

That was going to be the end, but I think we need to hear a little more about Jim. So one more chapter.

If your read this chapter and enjoyed it, please leave a review!


	4. Epilogue

**Disclaimer: I don't own. I don't profit.**

**Special thanks to Beta Notes from the Classroom - Check out her latest, "Betrayal" in my faves.  
**

**Epilogue**

Some people had the luxury of never knowing "what if." Captain James T. Kirk was not one of those people.

Spock's other self had melded with Kirk right after the fall of Vulcan while emotionally compromised. He botched the meld. Kirk picked up all the elder Spock's memories of the other Kirk - not just the memories of time they spent together, but memories from melds between the two. Everything the other Kirk remembered, Jim remembered, too. The memories tangled so intimately with Jim's own that for a while, Jim had trouble sorting out which were his, and which were that other Captain Kirk's. It took several sessions with a Vulcan healer to sort himself out. He now could differentiate between his other life, but he didn't forget.

Leaning against the counter in the small kitchen just off the Enterprise's main reception hall, he drained a glass of Scotty's finest. Through the doors he could hear the party the crew was having in the other room, a small celebration for Scotty and the engineering team. They'd put together a small model sized space ship that propelled itself with the energy from cosmic rays. They'd published their results in scholarly journals - but what Scotty was proudest of was being in the most recent issue of "Popular Mechanics." He'd provided the mag with all the specs to enable home enthusiasts to build their own toy ship.

"Every budding little engineer like that Nowak lad is going to want to try this at home!" Scotty had exclaimed happily just minutes ago. And Jim had gone into the kitchenette with a bottle of Scotty's homemade brew - ostensibly to get a glass.

He poured another shot into said glass.

In another life...

His other self had met Magda that same night, at that same bar, quickly discerned how little challenge she presented and moved on.

Of course…in another life he'd also managed to go through life without a real connection to another son until it was too late.

The door of the kitchenette whooshed open. The blue shirted figure silhouetted there froze. "Captain."

It was Spock. The small room was flooded with music.

Kirk met his XO's eyes and looked down. The door whooshed closed behind the half Vulcan, and there was relative silence again. For a moment Spock did not move, and then he went to a cabinet, retrieved a glass, and filled it with water from the purified hydration dispenser.

Draining his glass, Kirk said, "I really fucked up, didn't I?" It had been three days since Jimmie Nowak, his _kid_...had come aboard.

Turning, Spock said, "You could be referring to any one of a number of incidents. Please specify."

Half Vulcans really knew how to cheer a guy up. Jim sighed and poured himself another glass. "With Jimmie and Keval...and you...you probably thought about killing me for making you do that meld."

Spock tilted his head without responding. Which was the same as yes.

"Gotcha," said Jim, feeling a bizarre bit of triumph at being able to read his XO so well. The feeling quickly faded. "I found my kid and then I lost him. I'm sure he and Keval both would both like me dead as well...I remember foster care..." He swallowed and stared at his boots. And at least he'd had his older brother to stick up for him.

"I cannot speak for the boy," Spock said. "My ability to apply human psychology to real-world situations is limited."

Despite himself, Kirk snorted.

"However," Spock said - and Kirk could swear he could hear the raised eyebrow of annoyance in his XO's voice, "Dr. Keval did not entertain thoughts of instigating your demise."

Jim looked up. One of Spock's eyebrows was indeed raised. "He comprehended the reason for your irrationality," Spock added. "Quite fascinating, really. Empathy is not a Vulcan strength."

Keval understood? "It doesn't matter," said Jim pouring himself another glass. "I fucked up everything with my son."

"Perhaps he will understand when he is older," said Spock.

Jim scowled at the half Vulcan. That was almost compassionate.

"But how do I..." Jim drained the glass, grimaced at the burn and made a vague motion with his hand.

Spock tilted his head. "You are the one who does not believe in no-win scenarios."

x x x x

It was not the face Jim wanted to see. Keval blinked at Jim on the other end of the subspace line.

"Is Magda there?" asked Jim.

"No," said the Vulcan, "she is at work."

Jim bit his bottom lip. "Do you need money or anything? I know I haven't -"

"We do not require money," said Keval. "She works for the social aspect of the job."

Keval's face was utterly blank; he was so much more Vulcan than Spock. The cheerful but not terribly bright girl Kirk remembered would need a social outlet if she were bonded to Keval. Of all the people to bond with a Vulcan from the VSA...

They stared at each other. "Look, I'm sorry," Jim said at last. He closed his eyes, "I've been in foster care, I've been in the system...when I saw the bruises..."

Jim licked his lips. Keval said nothing. If he felt any compassion for Jim's circumstances his face betrayed no sign.

"Does he ever ask about me...I mean his real..." Jim grimaced, not wanting to step on a Vulcan's protective, territorial toes.

"I mean...biological father?" Jim asked.

The Vulcan straightened infinitesimally. "Not in over five years," said Keval.

"I'm not going to ask for visitation rights," said Jim, although he knew there was a high likelihood that with his profile he'd be able to get that luxury. "It would be too rough on Jimmie...after what I did."

"I concur with your assessment," said Keval very quickly. It may have been Jim's imagination, but he seemed to relax, just a fraction.

"But I'd like to know...how he's doing from time to time," said Jim. "If that is not unreasonable."

Keval's jaw tightened ever so slightly. Jim knew he'd gotten him with that argument - Vulcan's would go to great lengths to avoid being "unreasonable." In at least that way, he was lucky a Vulcan was his child's stepfather.

Keval tilted his head. "I can send you school report cards."

"And pictures," said Jim, not sure if he was pushing his luck.

Keval stared, undoubtedly contemplating whether increased cooperation would keep Jim from doing anything rash. "Very well," the Vulcan said.

"Thank you," said Jim. "And if he ever does ask, about his...biological father...and you tell him, would you please tell him _why_ I did what I did..."

"Yes, of course," said Keval so quickly it took Jim by surprise. Perhaps there was compassion there after all.

Jim swallowed. "He's lucky to have you," he said.

"Thank you," said Keval.

"And Magda too," Jim added hastily.

The Vulcan said nothing and the silence hung in the air.

"I look forward to our…correspondence," said Jim, not doubting a Vulcan would follow through.

It was less than the contact he'd had with a son in another life...

But this wasn't that other life. And maybe, just maybe, if he didn't screw this one up, it could be better.

He'd know where this son was and how he was doing. When Jimmie got older…maybe they'd talk. It wasn't precisely a winning scenario, but it was hope.

**A/N:**

Okay, not precisely a happy ending, but I think Jim did the right thing, and there _is _hope if he doesn't mess it up.

Thanks to everyone who read this story and left reviews. Not sure where my muse is going next. I did have a oneshot for Keval and Jimmie planned at sometime, apparently I wasn't the only person who missed them.

I know so many of you probably wanted a Spock/Uhura kid!fic. I WAS going to write one, but then my husband convinced me to write an original story instead. It's called "Murphy's Star", it's on sale on Amazon for 99 cents/US, 79 p/UK and 0,86 Euro/DE. Links are in my faves. Every sale helps my husband nag me a little less about my fanfiction habit, and it helps me buy shoes for my kids (not hopin' for a 'Shades of Gray' scenario here, if only I wrote porn!)


End file.
